You wake up to your alarm, you grab your phone which is just a few inches away from your ear (when did it get there?) and with eyes still half-closed you hit the snooze button. Just five more minutes, you say. And then another five. Until finally, you give in and realize that you’re running late. You check your phone and see that you’ve got notifications from about 10 different apps. You open your Bible app, hurriedly read the verse of the day and then say a (literally) little prayer of thanks and ask God to protect you and guide you through the working day. You’ll do a longer devotional tonight, you promise to yourself. You then check the notifications, someone liked your photo from last night’s dinner, and oh, your boss needs that report right away. You get out of bed, rush through breakfast, shower and put on some powder and lipstick (you’ll do the whole makeup deal in the office).
You arrive in the office, you’re late because of the traffic (which, of course, you’ve ranted about in Twitter). You grab coffee from the pantry and pull up Spotify on your laptop, you snap a photo and upload it on your Instagram Stories. You caption it morning coffee x good music as if you didn’t rush through the morning. You go through today’s deliverables (there’s a lot) and then it’s time for lunch. Oooh, there’s salad! You take a flatlay of it and upload it on Instagram and you don’t forget to add #greenliving #healthyliving in your caption. After lunch, you get a call from your friend, asking if you can make it to your movie date this weekend. You check your calendar and you say you can’t because you have a church event and then a family dinner afterwards. How about tomorrow, your friend asks. You say yes, but mentally note that you’ll have to log in overtime tonight if you want to finish early tomorrow. You go through more work, squeeze in a meeting, clock in yet another overtime. You leave the office and listen to some relaxing music while on the road, hoping to get some downtime, but your mind is so distracted. You know you’ve forgotten something, what was it? You check Facebook and browse through photos of your old classmate vacationing in Santorini, you clicked Love though you’re green with envy. Then it hit you, it’s your cousin’s birthday today! You type happy birthday and add a cake emoji 🎂 and you breathe a sigh of relief.
You come home, all tired and wondering why. But you brush off the feeling. You turn on Netflix and say to yourself, just one episode and then I’ll pick up the Bible and do some quiet time. Three episodes later, you’re too sleepy to open the Bible or pray. It’s past 2am when you finally doze off.
Fear steals our breathing room
It’s no surprise if the above seem familiar to you. In the age of meetings, obligations, events, social life, and FOMO (fear of missing out, if you’ve been living under a rock), most of us live hurried, frantic lives. We’re overcommitted, overwhelmed. And yet we wonder why we’re so tired, why it doesn’t stop, why it never stops. Here’s the thing: we can’t keep up with the world. And we shouldn’t.
Why are we so hung up on productivity and multitasking? Why do we wear our busyness like a badge of honor? Why do we try, most of the time unsuccessfully, to cram everything all at the same time?
Sandra Stanley, author of Breathing Room, answers, “It’s hard to recognize and a little bit hard to admit, but for me, it’s fear. I’m afraid of missing out, so I try to squeeze in dinner with the girls even though my day’s been exhausting. I’m afraid of falling behind everyone else, so I browse online for a new car even though mine is perfectly fine. I’m afraid of disappointing people, so I agree to join the committee even though I’m not passionate about the project.”
She shares, “Fear whispers the lies that we’re being left out and left behind, so we load our calendars and drain our bank accounts. Fear steals our breathing room.”
FOMO or fear of missing out is a term coined by author Patrick J. McGinnis in a 2004 op-ed in The Harbus, the magazine of Harvard Business School but the term was popularized by entrepreneur, writer, and artist Caterina Fake in her 2011 blog post. She defined FOMO as “an age-old problem, exacerbated by technology.” She explains, “It’s what happens everywhere on a typical Saturday night, when you’re trying to decide if you should stay in, or muster the energy to go to the party.”
If you’ve ever experienced feeling anxious about not taking part in social events where your friends will surely show up, or felt left out when everyone has booked a Piso fare ticket except you, then you know how FOMO feels like. Sometimes, this fear is also expressed as that feeling of envy or jealousy after seeing your friend’s new iPhone, new car, or new job broadcasted on social media. FOMO is so real that in 2013, the term was officially added to the Oxford Dictionary.
In a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, social comparison (oftentimes associated with FOMO) leads to depressive feeling, while the fifth annual National Stress and Wellbeing in Australia Survey reported higher levels of depression and anxiety in teenagers because of FOMO fueled by heavy social media use. But the effects are not just psychological. The fear of being left out leads to overbooking ourselves not only with social activities but even with work. The fear of missing out leads us to trying, without success, to do everything and be everything, leaving us exhausted (or worse, sick), insecure, and heaven forbid, broke.
Being an introvert, I don’t feel bad about not attending the latest concert or party. But social media is a huge part of my job and I sometimes find it hard to keep up with all the trends, the latest buzzwords, the viral videos. I’ve also compared myself with my former classmates who seem to be better off than me — they have the flashy car, the new house, and gasp! they’ve been to Paris! My biggest struggle though is finding breathing room in the midst of my ever-growing list of work responsibilities, ministry events, and my desire to be present with and for family and friends.
There is joy in missing out
If there’s FOMO, there’s also JOMO — joy of missing out — a term coined by entrepreneur, activist and writer Anil Dash, who happens to be a friend of Caterina Fake.
In his 2012 blog post, Anil defined JOMO as that “blissful, serene enjoyment in knowing, and celebrating, that there are folks out there having the time of their life at something that you might have loved to, but are simply skipping.” He adds, “Being the one in control of what moves me, what I feel obligated by, and what attachments I have to fleeting experiences is not an authority that I’m willing to concede to the arbitrary whims of an app on my mobile phone. I think more and more people are going to retake this agency over their feelings about being social, as well.”
JOMO has since been the mantra of mindfulness advocates, and a topic of debate, with some arguing that embracing JOMO makes you a recluse. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can say yes to a dinner with your family instead of going to that book launch, and that doesn’t make us a recluse. We can decline invitations, and not feel guilty about it. We can open that notification later without fearing that we might have missed something important.
Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.” And if that isn’t enough, Psalms 56:3-4 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
Fear is real, but so is the reassurance that comes from God. JOMO suggests that we can find joy in not knowing and experiencing everything, and God’s Word guarantees that. We can miss out, and feel joyful about it, because God does not look at our accomplishments nor our calendars. God doesn’t care how cultured we are, how up to speed we are, and He certainly doesn’t care about what other people say about us. But He does want us to commune with Him daily — something we might have missed doing regularly when we overbook ourselves.
There is joy in having longer time to read your devotionals in the morning because you slept early the night before. There is a sense of accomplishment in coming home early because you didn’t have to work overtime. There is bliss in missing that movie you’ve been dying to watch for that friend you haven’t seen in so long. There is liberation in saying no to the weekend trips with your friends because you choose to save up for that bigger trip.
So, how do we find joy in missing out and ensure that we have enough breathing room? Our choices do not define us but they do help shape our lives. On a daily basis, we have to actively, mindfully choose the people and activities we say yes or no to. Prioritize. Turn off that device and face people in real life. Put your phone on silent during worship service. Spend some time alone. Check your wallet, and not your credit card, before you say yes to going out. You will end up missing something, or disappointing someone, but you know what and who matters most, right? Nehemiah 6:3, the last verse in the Breathing Room devotional, empowers us: “And I sent messengers to them, saying, “I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?””
Isn’t it amazing, this freedom of choosing where to invest our energy, finances, emotions, and time? We, Christians, have this because God has given us His Word and Holy Spirit to assure and guide us. After reading Nehemiah 6:3, I felt this great relief, knowing that I can actively make choices and not feel bad about it. As I write this, I know I am missing out on something. I switched off my data so I’m not hooked on social media or any messaging app, and I’ve only checked my phone thrice for text messages. It’s glorious.
It’s liberating to know that I can do “great works” — and that’s my resolve this year. I might end up declining more invitations, I might miss out on a lot of good shows and movies, and I might have to content myself with just looking at vacation photos while I save up for my dream trip… but as long as I spend my energy, finances, and time on the things and people who truly matter (including myself — hello, me time!), and have enough quiet time with the Lord at the beginning and end of every day, then I can consider this resolve a success. My prayer for myself, and for you out there, is that we’ll find the breathing room we need and deserve. Cheers to missing out!
2 Comments